


Clinically Insane

by irrelevanttous



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Group Therapy, PTSD, Please Read the Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:49:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26950132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrelevanttous/pseuds/irrelevanttous
Summary: Ex-soldier Jasper Hale is not thrilled at the prospect of having to face his demons after being emotionally blackmailed by his sister to attend a group therapy session at South Mississippi State Hospital.However, when he meets a mysterious dark-haired woman who is a long-term patient at the hospital and claims to know him from somewhere, he has no choice but to return to the meetings week after week in search of answers.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Jasper Hale
Comments: 50
Kudos: 31





	1. The Drive

_**Title: Clinically Insane** _

_**Word count: ?** _

_**Pairings:** _ _Alice Brandon & Jasper Hale (main), Rosalie Hale & Emmett Cullen (minor), Bella Swan & Edward Masen (minor)_

 _**POV** _ _: Third person (Chapters will either be from Jasper’s and Alice’s POV)_

_**Summary:** _

_Ex-soldier Jasper Hale is not thrilled at the prospect of having to face his demons after being emotionally blackmailed by his sister to attend a group therapy session at South Mississippi State Hospital._

_However, when he meets a mysterious dark-haired woman who is a long-term patient at the hospital and claims to know him from somewhere, he has no choice but to return to the meetings week after week in search of answers._

_**Rating:** _ _Mature_

 _**Warnings** _ _: mentions of PTSD, trauma, mental disorders, mental hospitals, depression, suicidal thoughts, death, panic attacks, alcoholism, addiction, war, rape (most of these happened in the past and characters will remember them)_

 _-_ _Basically, the whole spectrum of bad things, so please don’t read this story if any of these things trigger you._

 _**Disclaimer** _ _:_ _The characters (and their traits) belong to Stephenie Meyer. The idea is mine._

_________________

_**Clinically Insane** _

_by MO_

_2020_

**1.**

_Tuesday, December 03, 2007_

______________

The trees rushed past the car in a blurry line as he stared out of the rolled-down window, his mind absent. It was green here, much greener than he was used to from home. Trees were a rarity in the dry southern town where he and his sister had grown up. Once again he remembered that while he might still be in the South, it wasn’t the same as being in Texas, his home.

The street stretched out almost entirely empty before them. There were not many other people on the road; most of the general population had already had their breakfast and were momentarily preparing for lunch - and their well-deserved lunch break. He imagined them sitting in their offices, staring eagerly at the clock while their phones were jammed in the space between their ears and shoulders.

Jasper Hale envied these people. Secretly, the blond would have given anything to be one of them. How he would love to have the problems of ordinary people: Bickering with a colleague, making a mistake at work, or the general boredom of everyday life. It seemed so pointless and yet so desirable at the same time.

His sister turned on the radio when one of her favourite songs came on. Jasper gave her an annoyed look as if to say “ _Really_?” but she paid no attention to him. It was her car, so she was the one in charge of the music.

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes when he heard the first notes of yet another run-of-the-mine Jazz song. When Rosalie had moved to New Orleans four years ago, she seemed to have adopted the local taste in music and had disregarded all of her former preferences. Back when they were kids, Rosalie had preferred good old country music, much like the rest of their family. But maybe she was just one of those people that adopted the styles and tastes of their surroundings. To tell the truth, he was no longer sure _who_ she was.

Jasper had never been like that. Since childhood, he’d always known what he liked, and he had been stubborn enough not to change his mind about it every two seconds. Perhaps he was a little old fashioned in that regard. Once he had formed an opinion about something, he usually stuck to it.

This was most likely the reason why he still wore the old cowboy boots that his mother had given him for his twentieth birthday. He didn’t care that they were so worn out that his toes were nearly making contact with the ground with every step; they were his most cherished possession and he would not throw them away, no matter how hard Rosalie tried to convince him.

“This isn’t even proper music,” he complained to his sister and reached for the volume button, but she was more alert and slapped his wrist before he could touch it.

“Hands off. My car, my music.” Rosalie wasn’t looking at him, but he could see that the corners of her mouth were twisted into a grin. Clearly, his sister remembered them too, the long, dull, car rides they’d had taken with their parents when they were children. Back then, the siblings had always argued with each other over the privilege to ride shotgun. To his dissatisfaction, Jasper had to admit that Rosalie had won that argument more frequently.

“Your music sucks, though.” His voice sounded exasperated, although in reality, he couldn’t care less about her song choices. Most likely it was one of these old reflexes to talk back to his sister, the same way he’d used to when they were younger. For most of their adolescence, he and Rosalie could not agree on anything. He’d despised everything she liked and vice versa.

“One would think my darling brother would appreciate this type of music more, wouldn’t you, _Jazz_?”

Her lips formed a smirk and he glared at her, not amused by her wordplay.

“At least some things haven’t changed at all.” Jasper looked – seemingly uninterested - back out of his window, but in reality, he was still monitoring her reaction from the corners of his eyes. “You’re still exactly as annoying as you’ve always been.”

Rosalie didn’t bat an eyelid and started grinning instead, never taking her eyes off the road in front of them. She was a good driver, always had been.

“Thank you. I can only return that compliment with the best wishes.”

He turned his head even further away to hide his smile. Truthfully, he was quite glad Rosalie didn’t handle him with kid’s gloves. It was what his parents had done, and it had been unbearable. He didn’t want their - or anyone’s for that matter - pity, and he certainly didn’t want his family to go out of their way to make sure he was comfortable.

He wasn’t used to people making allowances for him.

“Are you going to tell me where we are headed?” Jasper knew his question would fall on deaf ears. His sister hadn’t told him their destination the other three times he’d asked her, and she most certainly would not do so now. She was even more stubborn than he was.

She shook her head. “I thought they taught you how to be patient over there.”

His body instantly tensed up and his eyes stared vacantly at the blurred tree line of the woods they were passing through. Rosalie gave him a side-glance, realising that her words had triggered a reaction from him, but thankfully, she didn’t make a move to apologise.

That was the worst part every time. People apologising when they sensed his discomfort.

Although admittedly, that scenario didn’t happen very often. From a young age, Jasper had observed that most people simply were not as empathic as he was. The vast majority of people he spoke to didn’t even notice how his hands cramped up when they accidentally said something to trigger his memories, or how he clenched his teeth when they thanked him for his service. His throat-clearing and the way he was rubbing his sweaty palms down the front of his jeans were also signs of his unease about the turn the conversation had taken, but people usually weren’t aware of that either.

One of the only exceptions was Rosalie. Jasper remained convinced that most of her acquaintances had no clue how attentive she really was; they only knew her as the tough, bossy lady who worked at the local gym, giving self-defence classes to women of all ages. And while that was certainly a part of her, it didn't do justice to her character to reduce her to just that part.

Jasper wasn’t even sure if Rosalie was generally good at reading people, or just at reading _him_. Perhaps she could only read him like an open book because she knew him so well, probably better than anyone else in the world.

The Hale twins had been thick as thieves until puberty set in (when both of them had agreed they definitely needed to spend time with other people as well) and had been each other’s closest confidants throughout most of their lives. Jasper was confident that he was still the first person Rosalie would call whenever she had been in an argument with her fiancé Emmett, or when one of her co-workers at the gym had pissed her off.

And likewise, Rosalie had been the first person to find out about his third tour two years ago. Naturally, she hadn’t been pleased to hear the news. To be exact, she’d been worried sick the instant he’d muttered the words. For more than two hours she had been begging him over the phone not to leave, ignoring how Jasper had told her repeatedly that he had already signed up for it and there was no turning back now.

“You’re not dead _yet_ , so you always have a chance to turn back,” had been her exact reply. Words that had haunted him every single night after his tasks and daily missions for the next couple of months.

Deep down, it was a strange feeling to know that Rosalie had not expected him to come back this time. He had wondered many times about the whys of this question but had not been able to come to a conclusion. Maybe it was because there had been a few prominent deaths of US Soldiers in the Middle East in the weeks prior to his third tour. Or perhaps she’d just believed that anyone’s luck would run out eventually.

As was usually the case whenever he thought about it, Jasper felt himself getting tense yet again. He uncrossed his legs, which were too long for Rosalie’s car, and looked back at the road ahead of him, trying to distract his mind from wandering.

His sister was driving fast, and he wondered if perhaps she wanted to get this over with as soon as possible as if it was a dull chore to take care of him; something that had to be done but wasn’t generally enjoyable. Like babysitting.

 _Great_. She was babysitting him.

And in a way, it _had_ felt like that over the last few days. He’d only arrived in New Orleans fifteen days ago, and ever since then most of his interactions with Rosalie had felt oddly forced and uncomfortable as if they were strangers who had to get used to each other first.

And that assessment wasn’t far from the truth.

If Jasper was honest with himself, they indeed _were_ strangers now. His sister had not forgiven him for his last tour; for leaving against her wishes. And he couldn’t bring himself to forgive her for asking him to stay when she should have known it had been impossible.

Impossible for him to abandon his friends and fellow soldiers, who had become like brothers to him in their own right.

In the past, Rosalie had always known precisely how he felt. Mostly due to their “ _twin-connection_ ”, as their mother had called it. And maybe that was what it had been. They had shared a womb, after all, so perhaps there really was some sort of invisible connection there, binding them together.

Or at least there _had_ been until Rosalie had left home, left _him_. Her relationship with their conservative parents had been difficult for a while before that, and Jasper had always had a feeling that she would not stick around until they were adults. However, he hadn’t quite expected her to leave so soon.

On the day of her sixteenth birthday, Rosalie had stepped into his room before their parents were even awake – it had been around five o’clock in the morning - and had told him rather bluntly that she had found a place somewhere in the state of New York and would move out within a few days.

He’d only found out about the boyfriend by accident a few months later when he’d called her and Royce had answered the phone instead.

Perhaps this was what had caused that weird feeling of estrangement between them in the first place. The way she’d lied to him back then; how she had left him behind.

And meanwhile, she’d finally moved away from her old life, not looking back. Jasper had felt discarded; and still to this day, it bothered him how she’d turned her back on them, on _him_.

“We’re almost there.” His sister’s voice pulled him from his reminiscences. He glanced at her and noticed that her hands seemed to be gripping the steering wheel with such force that her knuckles had turned white.

“And where exactly is ‘ _there_ ’?”

She shook her head slightly, not facing him, and indicated at the next exit. Jasper turned his head too slowly to see on the sign where they were. He looked back at Rosalie, now suspicious.

“Rose?”

“You’ll thank me for this, eventually. I hope.” Her last two words came out quietly and almost ruefully.

That small sentence was enough to ring all the alarm bells in his mind. Whatever it was she had planned, it couldn’t be good.

“ _Rosalie_.” His voice was tense again and he had to force the words out, not trying to hide the underlying threat in his tone.

For the first time in a long while, Rosalie turned away from the windshield in front of her and met his eyes directly. “You need help, Jazz.”

It was all she said. Jasper felt the panic welling up in his chest almost instantly. He’d been right. This wasn’t good.

“ _No_.” His response was vehement and he shook his head for emphasis. This could not be happening.

Her expression looked pained now, and she clearly was preparing herself for the worst.

“Emmett and I can’t help you, Jazz. We’ve tried, but you won’t talk to us. So maybe it’ll help you to speak to other people. You know, strangers. Maybe that’ll make it easier.”

“I don’t want to talk to strangers! I don’t want to talk to _anybody_.” He had raised his voice, the last words coming out shrill and foreign to his ears. “I don’t need help,” he finished lamely.

Rosalie had flinched at his outburst and Jasper felt a pang of guilt. Yelling and anger triggered her sometimes, especially coming from violent men. And he was certainly one of those.

But his own anxiety made it impossible for him to focus on her feelings right now.

Rosalie had regained her composure and straightened her shoulders, staring him down. “Yes, you do. Mom and Dad told me you’ve not left the ranch for _months_. And you rarely _ever_ sleep. I know you think you can hide it from me, but I haven’t missed how you leave the apartment every night to wander around town for God knows how long. It’s not healthy. And you dodge every question about your time over there, while looking so fucking uncomfortable at the same time. I’m not equipped to deal with this. You need _professional_ help, Jasper.”

After getting over his initial state of shock, Jasper decided to turn to another tactic. _Pleading_.

“Rose, please don’t make me do this. I promise I’ll talk to you or Emmett. I’m just… I’m not ready to talk to anybody else about it.”

His words fell on deaf ears with his sister, although she still looked uneasy.

“No one will force you to say anything until you’re ready. You can just listen the first few times if that’s what you want. Emmett’s dad has reassured us that this type of therapy is very effective. It’s all about creating an environment of trust.”

Jasper felt his anger flare up again. “Oh, great. So Emmett’s dad knows about this, too. Is there anyone who you haven’t gossiped with about my mental state?” His voice was harsh, but this time Rosalie didn’t flinch.

On the contrary, her own temper kicked in.

“I haven’t _gossiped_ about your mental state at all _,”_ she hissed. “But if you recall, Emmett’s dad is a doctor at this very prestigious hospital and actually knows what he’s talking about. Better than you or me. And if he says that their therapy methods have a high success rate, then I choose to believe him.” Her voice was sharp.

Jasper snorted. “High success rate? What the hell does that even mean?” And when he saw Rosalie’s eyes nervously flicker at him for the fraction of a second, he suddenly knew exactly what it meant.

“Ah, so you’re worried I’m going to kill myself if left untreated, is that it?” He couldn’t hide the bitterness in his voice.

Her response was immediate as she stared at him with wide eyes. “ _No_!”

And then, clearly struggling to get her emotions back under control, she tried a different approach as well. “It’s not that. But I am _worried_ about you, Jazz. I really am. You’ll be completely drained and burned out in a few months if you continue living like this. This stress you’re putting on yourself, without ever having an outlet to release it, will destroy you, eventually. And I can’t lose you to your own demons. I have been through enough. I can’t deal with this kind of pain.”

Jasper was aware that he’d lost as soon as she finished her explanation.

Rosalie had mastered the art of knowing how to push his buttons and manipulate him. They’d both been good at that from a young age. Appealing to his brotherly instincts – which were to protect her, and do everything to make sure she was okay - was the only thing that could make him change his mind about doing something he didn’t want to do. His sister knew that.

“That’s not fair.” It was a weak effort to hide the fact that he’d resigned.

“You’re one of the most important people in my life. I never said I was going to fight fair. Besides, I’m doing this for _you_ , believe it or not. I need you to be okay.”

He sighed, letting her know he wasn’t going to fight her on this any longer. “I’ll go _once_. And if it’s as awful as I imagine it to be, you’ll never bring this up again.”

Her hesitation was obvious. Thus, Jasper didn’t believe a word coming out of her mouth when she agreed, “Fine. But you’ll give this a _real_ try. Don’t just sit in the corner, sulking. At least try to participate a little, or socialise with the others, I don’t even care. Just do _something_.”

Rolling his eyes, he stared back out of the window, trying to cover up how terrified he felt on the inside.

Ever since he’d returned from his third tour last year, he had done everything in his power to avoid thinking about his military career. Normally, in his everyday life, he succeeded at this rather well. It were the nights that troubled him, when he had no control over his emotions and thoughts.

Rosalie turned left, slowing down the speed of her red BMW convertible, and Jasper caught a glimpse of a sign that said “ _South Mississippi State Hospital - 2 miles”._

 _Tremendous_ , he thought. She wasn’t simply taking him to the local church get-together. They were heading for an _actual_ mental hospital.

He should have guessed it. Rosalie liked to do things thoroughly.

“It’ll be fine,” she said when she saw his expression. Or maybe she could tell his mental distress by the way his fingernails were bored into the skin of his palms. Jasper had found out early on, that pain was a good means to distract him from unpleasant emotions.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you for this.” He couldn’t bite back the snide comment and observed that she looked almost as tense as he felt.

Her words were still firm when she replied: “That’s a risk I’m willing to take if there is a slight chance that it’ll help you.”

For the first time since finding out where they were headed, Jasper felt sympathy for her situation. If their roles were reversed, he’d have done the exact same thing for her.

In fact, he _had_. Back when Rosalie had been in a dark place after her breakup with Royce - which was the kindest way to put it -, he’d been the first person to push her to see a professional.

Rosalie turned left again and as they drove silently, Jasper looked forward again, just in time to see the building appear in front of them.

It didn’t look like a mental hospital at all, with its unremarkable grey brick-walls, low roof, and long driveway. He could see a garden next to the side entrance, surrounded by high fences. There were a few people strolling around out there, taking advantage of the unusually good weather for December: it was sunny and almost 62°F. It had rained a lot over the last few days, but today was an exceptionally pleasant day.

Definitely _not_ the right day to visit a mental hospital, Jasper thought bitterly.

Rosalie pulled into a parking space close to the entrance. There were only two other cars parked in front of the hospital, and he couldn’t help but wonder if the patients here didn’t get many visitors.

“The support group session starts in ten minutes. Carlisle has promised me he will personally greet you in the lobby and show you where you need to go.” Rosalie pulled the key from the ignition and turned to face him again, her expression a mixture of worry and hope. “The therapist of the session will be someone else, though, because Carlisle is usually too busy tending to the other patients. So you don’t have to worry about him judging or analysing you. We all thought it would be best for you to speak to some people you’ve never met before.”

“ _We_ all?” Jasper repeated incredulously. How many people had Rose talked to about this?

At least she had the decency to look a little ashamed now. “Oh, just our parents, Emmett, Carlisle and I.” And when she saw his annoyed expression at the first mention, she added: “Oh come on. Of course I’ve talked to Mom and Dad about this. They were hoping a change of scenery would be good for you, but since that didn’t seem to have done any good, this was the only option left available.”

Irritated now, Jasper shook his head, struggling to believe that his family had conspired behind his back against him like this. “Whatever. This isn’t going to work.” And then, bitterly, he added to emphasise: “Because there is nothing wrong with me.”

Ignoring her doubtful glance, he decided he’d had enough of this conversation. Internally, he was still quite upset that she was forcing him to come here against his will. But arguing with her would not do any good. They were both exceptionally stubborn - always had been - and Rosalie was not one to easily back down. And since he depended on her to drive him back to New Orleans at the end of the day, there was nothing he could do to avoid this.

Grabbing his leather jacket from the backseat out of a reflex - because while it might not be cold today, it certainly had been for the last few days - he opened the door on the passenger side and climbed out of the car, not giving her a chance to say anything else. With a loud bang, he slammed the door shut, hoping it conveyed how irritated he was without him having to verbalise it.

And then he walked toward the entrance with long steps, as if getting there sooner would mean it would also be over quicker. He realised he’d forgotten to ask Rosalie how long this therapy session thing was going to take, but he didn’t want to turn back now.

Instead, he walked past the sliding doors below a sign with the words _Front Entrance_ and found himself in the lobby of the hospital.

There was nobody behind the front desk, but next to the two couches of the waiting area stood a handsome man with sand-blond, collar-length hair, approximately in his mid-fifties.

Despite the differences in appearance between the two men, Jasper knew immediately that this had to be Dr Cullen, father of Rosalie’s fiancé Emmett. Not only was the man wearing white medical scrubs, but he was also smiling the second he laid eyes on Jasper, and started to approach him.

“Mr. Hale,” Dr Cullen greeted him friendly.

Jasper wondered how the doctor had known he was Rosalie’s brother, but figured the other man must’ve visited his son’s and practically daughter-in-law’s apartment at least a few times. Rosalie had some pictures of her and Jasper when they were little, and also a couple of recent ones from when she’d visited her old home for Christmas last year.

“Is it that obvious?” Jasper joked regardless, trying to show immediately that he was not one of the lunatics with whom the doctor was most likely dealing on a daily basis.

Dr Cullen gave him another bright smile, showing a set of perfectly polished, sparkling white teeth. “Oh yes. You and your sister look very alike. Must be the curly blond hair and the handsome features.” He grinned and Jasper couldn’t help feeling a little embarrassed at the compliment.

Thankfully, Dr Cullen didn’t seem to expect any response from him because he extended his hand - carefully - and continued: “It’s lovely to meet you, Mr Hale. Your sister has told us a lot of good things about you.”

Jasper returned his gaze doubtfully but still shook his hand, impressed by the doctor’s firm grip. He generally didn’t tend to trust people with sloppy handshakes, so he felt a little more at ease. “She has?”

Dr Cullen looked at him with amusement. “Of course.” And then, not wasting time, he let go of Jasper’s hand and motioned the other to follow him. “I’m not sure how much Rosalie has told you about our programs here, but I can assure you that our PTSD support group has an extraordinary rating out of all the programs in the region.”

“Rose hasn’t told me anything about it, I’m afraid, Dr Cullen. She’s led me completely astray, to be honest. I didn’t even want to come here.” Jasper regretted the last sentence as soon as he’d said it.

Already admitting to the doctor that he had no desire to be here was probably not the best idea. The other man had to think he was in denial.

“Call me Carlisle,” Dr Cullen offered, not taken aback in the slightest by his admission. „I like that you’re so honest. It’s a good start.” He turned around mid-walk to face Jasper and winked at him with a smirk. “Sometimes our loved ones need to give us a push in the right direction. But of course, you’re not obligated to be here. All the therapy in the world won’t do any good if you don’t believe in it. But you never know, maybe it’ll actually help.” He shrugged. “If it doesn’t, that’s also fine. Everyone is different. What works for some people might not work for you, Mr Hale.”

Jasper already liked him, the good-looking doctor with the easy-going attitude. Knowing Emmett, he shouldn’t be surprised that his father was so relaxed and likeable. He’d yet to meet a person who didn’t like Emmett.

“You can also call me Jasper. We’re going to be family soon, after all. And I like the way you’re approaching this because otherwise, I’m afraid, you’d be disappointed. I genuinely don’t want to come here again, and I really don’t believe it’s necessary.”

Maybe he was trying to fool himself, but Jasper had perfected the art of lying to himself over the last couple of years. It was one of his greatest talents.

Carlisle didn’t bat an eyelid and never stopped smiling. He seemed more like the type of person who would never openly blame someone or call them out. Instead, he appeared to be that doctor that would get patients to do his bidding simply through his unspoken disappointment if they failed. Jasper had known a few men like that in the army and would have done anything to get their approval. Carlisle seemed to fit that description, too.

“As I said, you’re free to decide for yourself if our therapy works for you.” The doctor turned around the corner and came to a stop in front of a sterile-looking, white door. Jasper already felt oddly trapped in this building. He wasn’t able to imagine how dreadful it had to be, having to live here permanently, despite the friendly chief physician.

Carlisle turned around to face him again and gave him another, last smile. “So, this is it. The session starts in a few minutes. Pick a seat and feel free to introduce yourself to the others. You don’t have to share anything during your first visit here if you don’t feel like it, but keep in mind that the concept of this program is designed for the _participation_ of the attendees.”

Jasper gave a short nod, already dreading to walk into that room. While generally, he was quite good with people, the prospect of walking into a room full of strangers - who most likely all knew each other - and being forced to talk about his feelings still had him feeling anxious.

The doctor seemed to notice his discomfort.

“Don’t worry. Nobody will judge you for coming here. It’s scientifically proven that peace of mind is just as important for our health as physical exercise is.”

The Ex-Soldier was still not convinced but he nodded again. Carlisle seemed satisfied enough with that and excused himself. Walking away through the dimly lit corridor, he left Jasper alone with his conflicting emotions.

On one hand, he had promised Rosalie that he would do this, at least once. But on the other hand, it terrified him. He’d spend most of the past year trying to avoid any situations that could possibly trigger his memories and stepping into a room with people suffering from PTSD didn’t seem like a good idea.

Finally, the one thing that made him put his hand on the doorknob after a moment of hesitation, was the recollection of Rosalie’s pained expression as she’d said she could not lose him.

Over the last two weeks, Jasper had been convinced he’d had his emotions under control enough to hide them from her, but clearly, it was impossible to fool his sister. She’d seen right through him; and there was nothing he hated more than being the object of her worry.

With one last sigh, he pushed down the doorknob and opened the door, preparing himself mentally for the worst.


	2. The Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice attends yet another boring therapy session. Only this time, it's actually not boring at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I did say I would upload after two weeks, didn't I. That clearly didn't work out. But I will try to be better from now on. It's my birthday tomorrow, so I've decided to give you guys a present instead. 
> 
> So here we go, without further delay. The first chapter from Alice's perspective.

**2.**

_Tuesday, December 03, 2007_

________________

As usual, she was the first person in the multi-purpose room. She was always eager to get out of her room that felt like a prison cell on good, and an execution chamber on worse days. Today had been one of these worse days. She hadn’t slept well.

Her nightmares had been particularly vivid this time, even though she couldn’t remember much about them when she woke up. Tonight, it had been the usual mix of fire, mocking brown eyes staring down at her, and the memory of a woman’s screams. When she’d woken up, she had been drenched with sweat and only wished for the sun to rise as quickly as possible, to bring about a new day; which would hopefully take away the loneliness she’d felt inside.

“Ah, Alice.”

She looked up from the floor she’d been staring at for God knows how long, and found herself faced with Isabella Swan, her favourite group therapist at the South Mississippi State Hospital. The brunette woman in her mid-twenties gave her a warm smile, as she pushed her phone back into her pocket and crossed the room, sitting down next to Alice in the circle of chairs.

“Hi, Bella.” Alice’s voice was monotonous, although she knew that, deep down, she was happy to see the other woman. Her medication made it hard for her to show or experience strong emotions and reactions. Mostly, it dulled her senses and made her feel nothing. But nothing was still better than remembering, so she endured the side-effects with no complaints.

“How long have you been sitting in here already?” Bella asked in a neutral voice.

Alice shrugged. Truthfully, she could not tell. She was sure it had been a while, but time didn’t matter to her anymore. It hadn’t mattered for years. What were a few hours or even days in the prospect of the eternity she would have to spend in here?

It was a hopeless thought, but she didn’t try to fight those back anymore, either. After six years in this institution, she’d lost all hope of ever being allowed to leave. Her father certainly didn’t want her back, or her new stepmother. They hadn’t even visited her once in all the time she’d been at the hospital, and that was all she needed to know. Her own father didn’t want her.

Bella gave her a concerned look. “The nightmares again?”

Alice simply nodded weakly. Her head - no, her whole body - hurt and she felt the numbness of the pills kicking in. She was simply hoping that she wouldn’t start drooling during the session again. It had happened a few times in the past and it was always a very unpleasant experience.

“What were they about this time?” Bella asked. “Or would you rather tell me during the meeting when the others are here?”

Alice shrugged again. Having lost all sense of what was real and what wasn’t, the dark-haired woman couldn’t even say what it was that she wanted. She had spent too much time, too many years at this hospital and Bella had told her during the last therapy session that she needed to try to fight the sensation of hopelessness that seemed to overcome her in regular intervals recently. But after six years of the same dull, dreadful existence (because she couldn’t even call it a life), there was nothing to hold onto, nothing that could make her feel better. The medication wasn’t helping. Because while it numbed her anxiety and depression, it did not make her feel good either.

Some days, Alice thought she even preferred the pain to the complete loss of emotions. At least the pain made her feel _something_ , showed her she was still alive.

Only when the sound of the shutting door cut through the deafness caused by her meds, she realised some of the other participants had arrived. Normally, there were always some people she recognised and some she didn’t. It wasn’t unusual. There were many people participating in the support group sessions and not all of them were regular or permanent patients at the hospital.

Alice knew a few of the outsiders rather well. Leah Clearwater was one of them, the beautiful indigenous woman who ran the electronics shop in Purvis, only a short drive away from the hospital. She was a participant since her divorce from her abusive ex-husband. He’d beaten and emotionally manipulated her before leaving her for another woman.

And then there was Ben Cheney, an alcoholic in his forties. His mother was always driving him to the sessions, as he’d lost his license years ago and had rarely been sober enough to reclaim it. Therefore, he hadn’t even tried. It was a struggle for him, depending on his mother like that, and he was so ashamed of it that he started sobbing about it during every other session.

Another person who was not a patient here, but regularly showed up for the therapy, was Karen Newton. In her sixties, she was the oldest member of their little group. Her husband had died five years ago - cancer - and she’d developed a severe depression in the years following his death, mostly due to the loneliness she couldn’t stand.

Originally, the group therapy had been for people suffering from PTSD, but Bella had allowed other people to participate as well. _Problems were problems_ as she always said, so she didn’t feel capable to turn somebody away who needed help. For that reason, two years ago, Dr Cullen had officially renamed the group to be “a place for people who need to get something off their chest”. That was at least what it had said on the flyer on the door.

Alice had laughed dryly at that.

It had been a while since she had actually gotten anything off her chest. She’d learned early on not to tell people about her dreams and delusions. Her mother had called them “visions”, but that term had nearly been erased from her mind by now, having been told a million times during her first years at the hospital that she was sick and delusional whenever she brought up the topic.

At that moment, Bella cleared her throat, obviously ready to begin, pulling Alice from her thoughts. She hadn’t noticed until this moment that all of the chairs in the circle were occupied by now. Looking around, she only saw familiar faces. Some of them were her fellow patients at the hospital, and then there were the people from town.

Just when Bella was preparing to begin the session, the door opened again. Into the room stepped a tall man, with honey-blond hair and brown eyes. He was wearing a grey shirt and black jeans, a leather jacket hanging over his arm. For a few second, the man looked around the room uneasily, before taking a few long steps toward the circle of chairs, approaching the group.

Bella rose from her seat and greeted him with a friendly expression. “Hi. Welcome to our group session.” She walked over where he stood and extended her hand, which he shook firmly. “My name is Isabella Swan, but you may call me Bella. Everyone does. I’m the therapist in charge of the Tuesday sessions.”

When the man opened his mouth to speak, Bella interrupted him quickly, but still politely, smiling at him brightly. “Wait, don’t introduce yourself just yet. I’m sure the others will want to hear about this, too. Hold on, I’ll get you a chair.”

As she was walking toward the corner of the rooms, where the unneeded chairs were piled up, Alice got a good look at the newcomer for the first time.

Had she been able to gasp, she would have, but her medication numbed her emotions too much for such a reaction.

She _knew_ him.

Or at least, she thought she did. But at the same time, she wondered where she could possibly know him from. He hadn’t been at her school, that much was for sure, because she still had a good recollection of that time.

Of _before_.

Back then, her brain had been free of the fuzziness that she was now experiencing on a daily basis, as well as the drowsiness and all the other side effects of her medication.

Back then, her mind had been _sharp_.

While Alice was still trying to figure out how she knew him - because it was impossible to shake the feeling that she did -, Bella had brought over the chair and had asked Leah and Tyler to move aside to make space for one more person, which they did without hesitation. The blond man sat down, looking uncomfortably around the circle, clearly unhappy to be in this whole situation.

Alice couldn’t help staring at him, and she wasn’t the only one. Everyone was surprised to see a new face. It had been a while since they’d had a new addition to their small group and the man seemed out of place anyway.

She stared at him from top to bottom, as if trying to find answers that way. He seemed healthy enough, despite his paleness. Nor did he seem to be an alcoholic like most of the men in their group. At least she gathered that from the fact that his hands weren’t shaking.

On the contrary.

Alice observed the way he carried himself, steadily and alertly. His eyes seemed to scan each and every one of the participants for a potential threat. They lingered on Garrett a few moments longer than on the other attendees of their group, and Alice noticed how his eyes narrowed only so slightly. She wondered what he’d seen that made him distrust the other man, but before she could think about it, he moved onto the next person.

Herself.

When his eyes met hers, the sense of deja-vu became even more prominent. She couldn’t help gaping at him with incredulity. _Where did she know him from_?

He seemed taken aback by her unashamed, unblinking stare, but held her gaze steadily anyway. For some reason, Alice knew immediately that he was not easily intimidated.

It was her who looked away first, emotions threatening to overwhelm her all of a sudden when she recognised the expression in his eyes: _contempt_.

It wasn’t the first time someone had looked at her with like that, far from it, but strangely, it felt worse coming from this stranger. Mostly because she still couldn’t shake that sense of recognition when looking at him.

But clearly, he only thought she was just another lunatic.

While Alice still felt his eyes on her, Bella started to speak again. The dark-haired woman only now realised that just a few moments had passed since he’d sat down.

“Great, I think we’re complete. Since we have a new addition to our humble group today, why don’t we start this off by introducing ourselves? I’ll start. My name is Bella Swan and I’m the therapist in charge of this session.”

Thankfully, Bella nodded at Ben on her right side in the circle to continue, so Alice didn’t have to be next. She used the time it took for Ben to introduce himself to look at the newcomer again, still racking her brain trying to remember where she knew him from. Her efforts weren’t any more successful than before, unfortunately.

He seemed young enough, maybe her age or a few years older, and was undeniably good-looking, his features almost too delicate for a man. His honey-blond hair fell just above his collar and while he was certainly muscular, his physique was still lean. It had been a long time since the fog over Alice’s senses had been cleared enough for her to call somebody _attractive_ , but this man undeniably was.

He seemed to be avoiding the stares the other attendees were still giving him because his eyes were fixed on the person who was speaking. Right now, that was Angela Weber.

“Hi, I’m Angela. I’m here because of my PTSD. My boyfriend was stabbed in a bar fight a few months ago.”

Everyone nodded empathetically, already having known this. Alice scanned for the blond man’s reaction, but he wasn’t showing any, looking at Angela with an unreadable expression. Angela’s story was perhaps the most gruesome one, everyone else’s was rather ordinary, at least when it came to mental illnesses and trauma.

Well, everyone else’s other than _hers_.

The next two people introduced themselves and he still didn’t show any signs that would give away how he felt. And then, it was his turn. Alice nearly stopped breathing when he opened his mouth for the first time since he walked into the room.

“Hello.” His voice was firm but calm, and for some reason, Alice felt herself relax at the sound of it. “My name is Jasper.” And when he met Bella’s encouraging glance, he continued: “I’m a former soldier and… I did three tours in Afghanistan.”

Although he didn’t say any more, everything made sense to her now.

A soldier. That explained the watchful and alert way he carried himself. There was pride there, and discipline. And while he hadn’t explicitly stated why he was here, it was also obvious. Even being trapped in this hospital for the past six years she hadn’t missed the reports of the war raging in the Middle East, of bomb attacks and dead troops.

 _Jasper_.

She thought about the name - an unusual one - and came to the conclusion that it strangely suited him. He seemed like an unusual man.

Looking at the other participants of the group, Alice noticed that most of them appeared to be shocked at his words, although she wasn’t sure why. They’d had ex-soldiers here before. The last had been Jimmy… but _no_.

She shook her head slightly to get rid of the memories. She did not want to think about Jimmy.

Bella gave the man - Jasper - another friendly nod. “Thank you. Next?”

The others moved on, introducing themselves, but Alice paid no attention to what they were saying, too distracted by her thoughts.

She felt strange. As if some emotion was trying to fight its way to the surface through the haze of her medication. She couldn’t determine what type of emotion it was, but because it had been a long time since she’d had _any sort_ of feelings, it felt all the more powerful. For the first time in a long while, she wished she hadn’t swallowed her pills that morning.

Still staring at Jasper, who was deliberately avoiding her eyes, she didn’t even realise that it was her turn until Bella called her name.

“What?” she said dumbly, turning to face the brunette.

Bella was nothing if not patient. “Could you also introduce yourself, please?”

“I’m Alice.” She avoided looking at him now, too, although she could feel his eyes back on her finally. Instead, she glanced around the circle. While doing so, she saw a few encouraging smiles from the other participants.

“And why are you here, Alice?” Bella’s voice was soft, but her words made Alice stare at the ground, suddenly ashamed for some reason. She didn’t want to share her history with him, not after the look he’d given her earlier. As if she was some sort of madwoman.

Although, arguably, it was the truth.

“My mother died when I was nineteen and I have struggled with accepting her death ever since.” Her words were almost inaudible when she said it, and she could see Bella’s sceptical look from the corners of her eyes. Of course, the other woman knew that that wasn’t the whole story, as did the other attendees, but Bella would never force her to reveal something she didn’t want to say.

“All right. Thank you, Alice.” Bella smiled at everybody around. “Let’s begin today as we normally do. Does anyone want to share?”

Thankfully, there was always someone who did, so that Alice could lean back in her chair uninterrupted and continue to watch Jasper. Some part of her brain told her that it was impolite to stare at people, but she would not be satisfied until she found out who he was and how she knew him.

At least she wasn’t the only one throwing glances at the newcomer. She could tell that the others were just as curious. Deep-down, Alice hoped that Jasper would also share today, but she didn’t expect him to. He seemed overly uncomfortable to be here if the way his hands were gripping his chair underneath his legs were any indication. She was sure he was close to squashing the timber. The white colour of his knuckles was a sign of the force he was using.

A few times over the next hour, he met her eyes. With each time he looked more irritated and tight-lipped, with an expression on his face that seemed to say _Has nobody told you that staring is impolite,_ but one of the advantages of her medication was that she simply did not care. Inexplicably, her heart fluttered softly every time he looked back at her, although she could not tell why that was the case.

Today’s session was a particularly draining one. Listening to all these other people’s problems was hard enough on a good day, but Alice felt like she had especially little energy for it this time. So she did what she often did when she tried to avoid thinking about something: she retreated into her own thoughts, stared ahead blankly, and blocked out her surroundings.

As always, the memories came back to her immediately, but it was easier ignoring them when she was on her meds. The pills took the pain away, at least.

Through the drowsiness, she didn’t hear Bella calling her name for the first two times until the brunette touched her arm gently.

“Sorry,” Alice muttered, although nobody in the circle seemed surprised at her absent-mindedness. It happened frequently with Alice Brandon, after all. The poor crazy woman with the delusions was one of the nicer things they called her behind her back, even the people who liked her. It was the reason Alice had trust issues.

Bella had apparently not stopped smiling throughout the entirety of the session. “Would you like to tell us about your nightmares?”

No, she did not, Alice thought. Normally, she didn’t have a problem with talking about the nightmares. After all, it was pretty much the same dreams she’d been having since she was committed. Nothing new. But today, she didn’t want to share them, especially because she didn’t even know what to say. She couldn’t remember much of what she’d dreamed.

Also, because of Jasper. She didn’t want him to judge her even more.

“Fire,” she said simply despite her reservations, her eyes flickering up to look at the blond man, scanning for his reaction. “Screams… and… eh… eyes seemingly mocking me.”

She couldn’t even tell the group about the colour of the eyes, not while she was staring right into the depth of his brown ones, their colour so similar to her father’s that she almost couldn’t bear it.

Was that it? Was his eye colour simply reminding her of her father? Was that the reason she was experiencing this strange sense of a deja-vu?

But she didn’t feel uncomfortable looking at Jasper, the way she usually was whenever she thought about her father. The opposite was the case. It was a very contrasting emotion she couldn’t quite pinpoint.

“What do you think it means?” Bella’s voice pulled her from her thoughts and she looked away from the blond soldier once more, facing the therapist.

Alice raised her eyebrows slightly. Bella knew exactly what it meant. The woman had listened to Alice talk about these dreams for more than five years, ever since she’d started working here.

“I don’t _think_ it means anything.” She sounded irritated now. “I _know_ what it means. My mother died in a house fire, hence the dreams about fire and screams. And my father didn’t believe me when I told him…” She stopped herself just in time.

… _when I told him it was going to happen,_ she finished the sentence in her mind but wasn’t willing to say it out loud.

Instead, Alice looked up defiantly, challenging everyone in the round to make her speak the words.

Nobody did.

Bella sighed, accepting that the dark-haired woman next to her did not want to share any more. “Great, thank you, Alice. Is there anybody else who would like to say something, before we wrap up?”

She looked around the circle, but nobody seemed eager to talk. Some people shook their heads slightly.

Alice’s gaze drifted back to Jasper who still sat there motionlessly, looking a little as if he’d just bitten into something sour. The thought would have made her laugh had she been able to, and for once she was grateful for the medication. Convinced that he would likely not appreciate being laughed at, she bit her lips to make extra sure the laughter wouldn’t slip out of her mouth.

“Nobody?” Bella tried again, but still, none of the participants spoke up. “Okay. Then I guess we’re done for today. I will see you guys next week, or, if you feel the need for an extra session this week, on Thursday at eleven. Have a good week, guys.”

They rose from their seats. Some people gathered their small plastic water bottles and took them back to the kitchen. Alice remained on her seat, her eyes still fixed on Jasper, the ex-soldier, well aware of how freaked out he most likely was by her staring. He had risen to his feet faster than the others and seemed eager to escape, apparently relieved that the whole thing was over.

Alice could hardly blame him, having felt the exact same way after her first therapy session. All these emotions had been too much to handle and she’d ended up curled up underneath her bed, sobbing uncontrollably. The pain and hopelessness had threatened to overwhelm her.

It had been after that first session when the doctors had first upped the dosages of her meds.

She felt that compared to that, Jasper seemed to be doing just fine.

But if he was ready to flee the scene, he had reckoned without their host. Bella stepped in his way, while still keeping a careful distance all the while.

“Can I have a word with you in private for a second?”

Clearly, he was too polite to refuse her request, because he nodded thin-lipped and Bella motioned for him to follow her, leaving Alice one of the only people in the multi-function room. She only realised now that most of the others had already left. Leah gave her a last friendly smile as she exited the room.

Alice longed to go after Bella and Jasper. Wanting to know desperately what they were talking about, she considered it for a moment, before disregarding the impulse. He would not thank her for snooping around in his business, that much was for sure. She’d certainly scared him off anyway with her behaviour throughout the session, by staring at him like an obsessive stalker. Maybe he even thought that that was why she was here. Perhaps he thought she was violent and uncontrollable.

His expression had been unreadable, apart from the distinct irritation on his face.

Yes, she thought. He definitely believed her to be a crazy person.

A little, bitter voice in her head chimed in, telling her that she _was_ , in fact, a crazy person and he would be right to think so.

And Alice didn’t really understand why that thought _hurt_ , even through the haze of her medication. For some inexplicable reason, she didn’t want him to think that she was insane. She hadn’t cared with the other newcomers back in the day, being used to it by now: people’s wary behaviour around her. But with him, it bothered her.

After a while, she pulled herself together enough to get up. Every step was difficult today. James had given her an extra high dosage before breakfast, due to the nightmares, and it made every sort of physical effort even more exhausting than usual. She walked through the hallways without noticing her surroundings until she reached the lobby.

Nobody was behind it; Roberta had requested a day off today, so one of the nurses had to fill in for her. But clearly, the nurse had been called away.

Alice walked through the sliding doors without anyone stopping her. Thankfully, the hospital wasn’t one of those high-security faculties which she’d seen in the movies back when she was still living at home, where people would literally be locked up like in a prison. And while Alice wasn’t allowed to leave the compound, nobody forbid her from leaving the building.

She’d seen him through the glass doors, so she wasn’t surprised to find him standing out there in the parking lot, waiting for someone to pick him up. Alice envied him for having someone to drive him here - and back, too. What she would give to simply get into a car and leave this place behind forever.

Jasper looked up immediately when she stepped outside, even though she was still a fair distance away from him. That had to be his military training. Alice imagined him crawling through the mud, wearing a uniform, while some lieutenant yelled at him to always be alert.

She was too tired to smile and didn’t know why she wanted to.

The blond man glanced at her with a suspicious look, before giving her a once-over. Clearly, he did not like what he saw, given the scrunch of his nose. Alice could only imagine how messed up she looked right now, in her old, worn-out clothes that she’d received from Goodwill, with the rings under her eyes making her look like she hadn’t slept in a couple of months. She hoped that she wasn’t drooling, at least, because sometimes it happened without her noticing.

But despite his obvious revulsion at her appearance, Alice soldiered on bravely, moving closer, until she stood only a few feet away from him. Only now did she realise how tall he really was, almost twice her size. He had to be over six feet at the very least. The thought crossed her mind that he could probably snap her in half like a twig if he wanted to, but she pushed it to the back of her head.

“Sorry,” she said, and looked down at her own clothes, before facing him again, without knowing what exactly she was apologising for. Was it for her unkempt appearance? Or was it for the way she’d been staring at him impertinently during the therapy session? Alice couldn’t tell.

Jasper seemed to wonder about that, too, but he didn’t say anything, still staring back at her with his eyebrows raised. Whether in disgust or confusion was hard to determine.

“Have we met before?” she blurted out before she could stop herself. He looked even more confused now, his forehead in a deep frown, but he shook his head shortly. Then, he glanced down at his watch, obviously hoping for the person who would come to pick him up to finally arrive.

Still without looking at her, he replied eventually: “I don’t think so. I’m not from around here.”

“Where are you from, then?” The words came out too quickly, and Alice regretted them as soon as she saw his expression. It was wary. It was blatant enough that Jasper didn’t trust her. She should have known better than to ask a personal question like that.

But then, to her surprise, he actually answered: “Texas.”

He still didn’t meet her eyes, now staring at the road leading up to the building instead. Alice realised that she should probably back off and leave him alone since he so obviously didn’t want to speak to her, but she felt drawn to him for some reason.

“I’m from Biloxi. Originally. But I’ve been here for a while now.” She bit her lip.

He hadn’t asked and was certainly not interested in her life story, but she couldn’t stop herself. Jasper did look back at her then, at least.

Alice went on, despite knowing that she should just turn around before she scared him off too much, causing him to never come back here. “Is someone going to pick you up?”

Jasper gave her another look, this time most likely trying to determine whether she was stupid as well as crazy, and Alice kicked herself mentally. It _was_ a stupid question.

His answer was as uncommunicative as his previous ones had been. “My sister.”

“Ah, you have a sister?” Finally, something they had in common. Other than that, they appeared to be exact opposites of each other. “I have one, too. Is she older or younger? Are you two close?”

More personal questions.

Momentarily, Alice couldn’t believe how foolish she was. Normally, she wasn’t this talkative when on her meds, but she had a feeling that if she didn’t find out something about him now, she quite possibly never would. There was no way he would come back after this disaster of a conversation.

And in fact, Jasper seemed to seriously question his life choices that had led him up to this moment here with her. The way he was looking at her was so incredulous, so indignant that she nearly blushed.

“You ask a lot of questions.” Somehow, he managed to sound accusing _and_ indifferent at the same time, while not even pretending to think for one second about answering her.

“I know.” Her voice was rueful. “I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me. I… just can’t really shake this feeling that we’ve met before… or that I know you from somewhere. I don’t know,” she repeated lamely.

Jasper shrugged, glancing at his watch again. “As I said, it’s not possible. Unless you spent a lot of time in Texas in the past.”

Now it was her turn to shake her head. “I’ve never crossed state-borders.”

That surprised him.

“Really?” He seemed to regret the question as soon as he’d asked it, clearly fearing that it would encourage her to keep talking to him.

Alice shook her head again. “Never. I mean, my class once made this school trip to Florida, but my father didn’t allow me to go.”

For one moment, Alice saw a strange emotion flicker in his eyes. Was it pity? Before she could examine it further, though, it was gone already, replaced by a neutral, indifferent expression once more.

At that moment, before Alice could embarrass herself even more, a car pulled into the parking lot, coming to a stop next to them. Convinced that her mouth would have dropped open had she not been on her medication, Alice stared at the red convertible sports car.

More impressive, though - if that was even possible - was the blonde woman in the driver’s seat who was leaning over to push open the passenger door.

Alice had never seen a woman so beautiful. Her wavy blond hair fell halfway down to the middle of her back and she was wearing a skin-tight black dress that flattered her elegant figure.

In short, she looked like a supermodel.

At the same time, the resemblance to Jasper was remarkable, so it could only be his sister. They had the same facial features, the only difference being her eyes. They weren’t brown like his, but rather of a dark blue or almost violet colour. It made Alice feel even more self-conscious about her own appearance, looking at this goddess.

The woman was glancing at her in a similar way that Jasper had before, with the revulsion apparent on her face. It bothered Alice almost as much as it had with Jasper. For some reason, she wanted to gain the other woman’s approval.

 _How ridiculous_ , she scolded herself.

“Are you coming?” The blond woman gave Jasper an annoyed, impatient look and Alice noticed only then that he had not made a move to get into the car yet. Instead, he was still staring at her as if trying to figure out what her problem was.

As if she only had _one_.

“Bye.” He gave her a last, almost pitying look and got in the car.

Alice thought he was probably glad that he could leave this wretched place behind at any time, while she would be stuck here forever. She wondered if he knew that, or sensed it at least. He seemed observant, most likely due to his military training.

“Goodbye,” she said eagerly, although she did not know if he could still hear her through the car door that he had shut. “I’ll see you next week.”

Despite knowing that he would not show up next week, Alice couldn’t help hoping that he would.

Apparently, he didn’t hear her, because he just stared straight ahead while his - incredibly good-looking - sister started the car. Alice stepped away to let them pass, and after a few seconds, the convertible disappeared from her view, leaving her alone with nothing but the thoughts raging inside her head.

 _Jasper_. 

Even if she never saw him again, Alice was glad she’d met him.

For the first time in years, she felt something other than the pain and the numbness, although she couldn’t say exactly what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Complaints? I hope you guys didn't expect them to fall in love instantly, did you? Come on. You know me better than that.


	3. The Woman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper returns to the therapy session.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, real talk: I've written this chapter (as well as the next couple of chapters of this story) two months ago and feel like my writing has improved so much in the meantime, that I now hate everything I've written more than a week ago haha. Therefore, I'm really unhappy with posting this in the state it's in right now, but I've already edited it like three times so I don't think it will get much better. I hope you guys will still somewhat enjoy it.

**3.**

_Tuesday, December 10, 2007_

______________

If he was completely honest with himself, Jasper had no idea why he returned. After that first therapy session last week, he’d promised himself to never let Rosalie talk him into anything ever again. The entire thing had been a disaster. Not only had he not felt any better - which was the whole point of therapy, right? -, but instead, his mood had been _worse_ for two days after the session.

While before, he’d at least been able to sleep for a few hours every night, he had not even been capable to get _into_ bed during the nights following the group meeting. Angela’s story about her boyfriend getting stabbed had triggered his memories violently. When she told it at the therapy session, Jasper’s fight-or-flight reflexes kicked in. Since fighting wasn’t an option - there wasn’t any real threat – he nearly would have bolted out of the door in the middle of the meeting. Only with an extraordinary effort of self-control did he manage to stay on his seat. Even now, it surprised him that none of the other people had noticed.

During that long hour at the hospital, he’d already made up his mind to not return to the therapy meeting the next week.

In the end, it had been his conversation with Bella that made him decide to give this another try. The brunette therapist had sensed his discomfort during the meeting and pulled him aside to talk to him about it afterwards. She proceeded to state a few reasons why coming back would be a wise decision for him. As she told him, her father was a policeman who had seen many traumatic things in his career. That was why Bella had mainly focused on studying PTSD during her education at college. She assured him she was well equipped to give him the best possible care if he decided to come back.

Not that Jasper had changed his mind: he was still convinced he needed no help. Back during his training, they’d always been told the stories about all these other veterans who returned from the war and started beating their wives. Or those who signed up for perilous jobs in the security sector. Or those who started drinking. Sometimes, if they were really fucked up, Ex-soldiers did all three of these things at the same time.

There was no danger of him ever becoming like that, of him ever stooping so low. But his state of mind still seemed to concern Rosalie; she and Emmett had pleaded with him to give therapy another try.

Besides, Jasper did like Carlisle. The other man seemed to be a good doctor. He gave off the impression that he knew what he was talking about.

And Bella was lovely, too.

The other patients - or participants, since he wasn’t sure whether all of them had been actual patients at the hospital - were strange, though. Sure, Angela appeared to be normal. Most of the others were likely just ordinary addicts, alcoholics, and such. But a few of the people at the meeting had actually seemed insane.

There had been the red-haired, freckled girl whose name he’d already forgotten. She was sitting on her chair like a statue and didn’t say a word. Apart from how she was constantly chewing on a strand of hair, her body did not move at all. With glassy eyes, she stared at the wall on the other side of the room without ever looking away during the entire session.

Also, Jasper hadn’t liked the look of insanity on Garrett’s face. The man told them about his traumatic childhood, and while Jasper shuddered at some of the things he said, feeling sorry for the other man in a way, the blond still wasn’t going to trust Garrett anytime soon. How he'd _chuckled_ when Angela told the story about her boyfriend made Jasper cringe whenever he thought about it. It was almost as if her story had been intriguing to the other man.

During this incident, Bella hadn’t hesitated: She immediately told Garrett to stop laughing. Jasper had thrown a side glance at Angela, who seemed to be on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Later, during Bella’s conversation with Jasper, the brunette had explained to him that Garrett suffered from a severe case of paranoid disorder and sometimes laughed at the wrong moments for no apparent reason.

It was the same disorder Alice was diagnosed with. At least that’s what it had said on the band around her wrist.

 _Alice_.

Jasper could remember her better than the others. Most likely because she was the only person he’d talked to other than Bella. She was a tiny, impertinent thing, Alice. The way she’d interrogated him in front of the building while he was waiting for Rosalie was nothing short of rude. Although he’d felt sorry for her when he learned about her mother’s death and how she’d lived at the mental institution for what sounded like a long time. And she had likely been drugged, too, considering how her eyes seemed to stare into the void most of the time, and how slowly she spoke and moved.

As someone who never had to take any medication in his life, other than the occasional pain killer whenever he’d injured himself, Jasper had no idea how much of her behaviour was actually _her,_ and how much of it was only caused by the meds she was on.

But even considering that, the woman was still weird. In fact, she would make a good poster girl for mental insanity. Delusions, PTSD, nightmares; she had it all, from what he’d gathered at the meeting. Most likely multiple personality disorders, too.

However, when she’d talked to him in the parking lot, there had been a few, small moments when Jasper had felt like he could almost see through the haze in her eyes. A haze undoubtedly caused by the pills she had to take. And during those tiny fractions of seconds, he had nearly believed her to be… sane.

Only she wasn’t. At least not permanently.

He’d do better to stay as far away from her as he possibly could. The obsessive way she’d been looking at him during the therapy session - completely unbothered whether he caught her staring - had taken him aback. Usually, people were more intimidated by him when he tried to keep them at arm’s length. But perhaps she was pumped full of so many drugs that she was incapable of noticing the impoliteness of her actions.

In spite of all his doubts and his denial, Jasper went back to the therapy session the next week. He wasn’t desperate enough to go back on the Thursday after the first session, like Bella had suggested; he showed up on the following Tuesday, one week later. When he did, everybody was surprised to see him again. Even the therapist herself, although Bella was trying her best to hide it.

The only person who wasn’t surprised at his return was Alice.

The next session went the same way as the first one had. Jasper wasn’t willing to talk about his time in the war and nobody asked him to. Instead, he just listened to the others. He was convinced that Alice hadn’t taken her eyes off him for a single moment since he stepped into the room. Jasper vowed to talk to her afterwards, to get answers. He wanted to ask her what her problem was.

After all, if they had met before, he would remember it. Alice might not be able to remember much of the time before she was committed to this shithole, but there was nothing wrong with _his_ memory.

Sometimes, he wished there was. It would make things so much easier if he couldn’t remember certain things.

This week, the topics they were talking about during the meeting did not trigger him and he was grateful for that. The main issues they were discussing were addiction and alcoholism. Jasper noticed that he seemed to be one of the only men who wasn’t here because of a drinking problem.

Secretly, he considered looking for another group, maybe one exclusively for veterans. Perhaps they would understand it better, the daily struggle he was facing. But he liked Bella, and he trusted Carlisle. Therefore, he stayed.

When the meeting was over, the participants rose from their seats and started to carry the chairs back to the pile in the corner. Jasper did his part and piled up half of the chairs on his own, taking them off the women’s hands. His parents had raised him to be a gentleman.

Due to his chivalry, he nearly missed his chance to talk to Alice. Last week, she had stayed behind longer than all the others, but this time, she had already left the multi-purpose room when he finished putting away the chairs.

It took him only a few seconds to catch up with her outside in the hallway: She was walking slowly, and her legs were a lot shorter than his.

Alice looked more alert today and her eyes were watching him with a vigilant expression. Jasper noticed she wasn’t wearing the same worn-out clothes from last week. Instead, she had put on a simple white V-neck shirt and blue jeans. The clothes made her look more like a regular person, rather than a patient at a mental hospital. Also, her cheeks weren’t as pale as they had been last Tuesday. He caught himself thinking that she was almost… _pretty_. Or at the very least, this time, she didn’t look like a walking dead person.

Pushing the thought to the back of his mind, he asked, “What is your problem?”

His voice sounded harsher than he’d intended to, and he saw her flinching, feeling guilty right away. She was so tiny; he couldn’t stifle the instinct to protect her. This feeling – once more – originated from the way he had been raised: where he grew up, boys were raised to be polite to women and to protect them from harm.

“Only one?” Alice had recovered and gave a small chuckle. “I have a lot more than one, but I’d be willing to tell you about all of them if you have the time.”

Her tone was almost playful. It was taking him aback once more.

Jasper glared at her when he recovered. He’d never met anybody _this_ strange, that much was for sure. “Why are you always staring at me like that during the sessions? It’s very–” _Impolite_ , he wanted to say, “–distracting.”

Alice laughed again and Jasper couldn’t help acknowledging that it was a lovely sound.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I already told you, though. About how I felt like we’ve met before.”

“And I told you it wasn’t possible.” Jasper was starting to lose his patience with her.

The expression on her face was indecipherable when she replied, “Turns out we were _both_ wrong.”

And with those words, she walked past him. She seemed a lot more energetic today than she’d been last week. For a short moment, Jasper stood frozen in place before he pulled himself together again.

Nothing she’d just said made any sense.

When he turned around to follow her, the dark-haired woman had already disappeared in one of the adjoining rooms. And given that he had no access to these premises, he would have to wait for an answer for another week.

It was the main reason why he returned for the next session. Only this time, Alice wasn’t at the meeting at all. There was a slight feeling of sickness in his stomach when he asked Bella about the woman and she told him that Alice would not attend this session, though he had no clue why he even cared.

But after all, it was a mental hospital. It was impossible not to worry about someone so unstable if they decided not to show up to a scheduled event. At least, Jasper told himself that that was the reason for his worry.

This time, he’d driven to the hospital himself, because Rosalie was already getting sick of playing chauffeur for him every other week. Still, she was pleased that he’d decided to return. She had even lent him her car, which was rare for her. No other material possession meant more to Rosalie than her M3 convertible. Jasper would have felt honoured that she was allowing him to drive it, had he not still been busy contemplating the session.

Alice had not been there. For the past week, her words had swirled around in his head: _We were both wrong_. It didn’t make any more sense to him now than it had last week. How was it possible that they were both wrong? Either they had met in the past or they hadn’t. It was one of those questions where the answer had to be black or white, yes or no, dead or alive. There was nothing in between.

During his sleepless nights, as he wandered the streets of New Orleans, he constantly thought about her words. Even worse, there hadn’t been a single night over the last few days when his mind didn’t drift back to the strange woman. Jasper knew nothing about her, except that her name was Alice, that her mother had died in a house fire, and that she was a patient at a mental hospital. Also, that she likely had quite a few medical and mental issues.

Delusional disorder being one of them. As he considered that, he wondered if perhaps he shouldn’t take her words too seriously after all.

After the third session, there had again been countless moments when he had told himself he would not go back to the hospital for another session. And yet, he did.

Then, on the next Tuesday, Alice was back.

However, whatever it was that had been different the last time she’d seen him, it was gone now. Her eyes were even glassier than the first time they’d met, and she stared past everyone, like a zombie. Not even seeming to notice her surroundings, she appeared to be lost in her thoughts, trapped in her own mind. She didn’t react at all when Bella addressed her during the meeting and Jasper felt his heart sink.

There was no way he would get an answer from her today.

And still, he tried.

After the meeting, he approached her. Alice was still sitting on her chair motionlessly, looking as if she’d been wheeled over straight from a lobotomy.

What kind of drugs were they giving her? What could be so awful that drugging her up like this would be the better - or even an acceptable - alternative? She looked so vulnerable, so breakable. Surely, they could handle her if she had violent outbursts when she wasn’t on her medication? No, this had to be for her own protection. Jasper couldn’t imagine any other reason for keeping her in this state.

While he walked toward her, Alice didn’t look up, still staring straight ahead. She gave no indication that she’d even realised that the session had ended minutes ago. When Jasper knelt down next to her, she showed no signs of recognition.

“Alice?”

No reaction.

Sitting so close to her, he could make out the words on the wrist band she was wearing. It had her name written on it, as well as her diagnosis. The latter he’d been able to read at the first meeting when he’d scanned the participants for potential threats.

 _Mary-Alice Brandon_ , it said there on her wristband.

“ _Mary_ -Alice?”

Still, the dark-haired woman showed no reaction, even though she must have heard him. He was crouching down so close to her and had spoken the words directly into her ear. He noticed then that she smelled nice, her scent somewhat floral, although he couldn’t tell what exact flower he was thinking of.

Before he could try to speak to her again, he heard the sounds of footsteps approaching behind him. Jasper turned around to see where the sounds came from. Ever since his time in the army, he had become jumpy. A little noise was usually enough to startle him.

The person walking toward him was a man with light brown hair, dark eyes, and an average build. Instinctively, Jasper rose from the ground and straightened his body to his full height as he stared at the newcomer. Given the name tag and scrubs the man was wearing, he had to be a staff member.

 _James_ was written on both.

“Are you in the Tuesday group?” the man asked Jasper, as he walked past him to check on Alice. The ex-soldier narrowed his eyes at the annoyed undertone. He had a reliable radar for untrustworthy people and James was already triggering it.

He watched with suspicion how the other man injected something into Alice’s arm.

Instead of answering the James’s question, he asked, “What are you giving her?”

James tore his eyes away from Alice and glanced at Jasper with tight lips. For one long moment, the two men seemed to scan each other for weaknesses.

“Who are you?” James asked, not taking his eyes off him.

“I’m in the Tuesday group,” Jasper finally replied after a long while but did not break eye contact. He would have been impressed at the other man’s steady gaze - there weren’t many men that could compete in a staring-contest against Jasper - but there was something inherently dodgy about James.

James gave him a once-over as if he was questioning the truth of his words, and then shrugged. He turned back to face Alice; she was still not responding.

“You ask questions about things that don’t concern you. Confidential patient information. If I were you, I wouldn’t do that.”

Jasper raised an eyebrow. “Is that threat?”

James seemed amused by those words. He stood up from his position next to Alice and stepped closer, before coming to a stop in front of Jasper. He was too close for comfort. It rang every alarm bell in the blond man’s head. His initial impulse was to push the other man away, to bring some distance between them; instead, he tilted his head slightly and used his surmounting height to look down at James.

The other man grinned, amused by his alertness, “Easy there, big guy. I’m just saying that the staff is not allowed to share a patient’s medical information with outsiders. If Ms Brandon decides to tell you, that’s her own business.”

He stopped and lifted his chin. The corners of his mouth twitched into a fishy-looking grin. “Although you’d probably do best to stay away from her. She’s a basket case, that one.”

It was unfathomable to Jasper that the other man would call her that, especially with Alice sitting there right beside them. Although she probably hadn’t heard it anyway; she still seemed to be out of it. Her glassy eyes were staring ahead and Jasper wasn’t sure whether she’d moved at all since he came over to talk to her.

“And calling your patients _that_ is professional behaviour, then?” Jasper’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

James didn’t bat an eyelid, still wearing that smug grin. “I’m doing you a favour, man.”

With those words, he gave Jasper a wink - that left the ex-soldier speechless - and lifted Alice’s arm around his waist while wrapping his own arm around her body. Helping her to her feet, James started manoeuvring her toward the exit as he whispered something in her ear that Jasper could not hear.

There was something wrong with this guy. He couldn’t shake the thought for the rest of the day. Not when he sat in the car on the drive back to New Orleans, nor when he walked through the streets of the city that night. James _was_ shady, and his calling Alice a basket case wasn’t the only reason why Jasper thought so.

The last two weeks he’d spent pretty much every night wandering around town until he was so exhausted that he nearly dropped dead into his bed as soon as he got back to Rosalie’s apartment. At least it helped with the nightmares; because then, he was usually too tired to dream at all. But that night after the fourth group therapy meeting, Jasper was incapable of sleeping. His thoughts were too busy.

He recalled how after his second therapy session, Alice had been more alert, more present. She had almost seemed… normal. But then, a week later, she’d been absent from the session altogether. And today, she had been more drugged up than ever.

It was dodgy, to say the least. It probably wouldn’t have been, had he not met James. But all of Jasper’s instincts warned him to distrust the other man.

And while he still didn’t feel as though the therapy did much good for his own health, he went back the next week nonetheless.

This time, he vowed, he would get an answer from Alice.

Jasper convinced himself that that was the only reason why he wanted to attend the next meeting. He had to know what she’d meant by her words: _We were both wrong_. It was eating him up inside not to have an answer.

Truthfully, Jasper had no idea why it mattered to him so much. Maybe it was because he’d retreated so much into his shell for the last couple of months, and Alice was one of the only people he’d spoken to. At least outside of his family. When was the last time he’d gone out to have fun? Most likely before his third tour. He couldn’t even remember.

When Jasper entered the multiple-purpose room at the South Mississippi State hospital on that next Tuesday, he realised that something was different. He was quite late - traffic had been awful - and there were only five people there: Bella, Leah, Mike, Ben, and Alice.

From the soft smile she gave him, Jasper gathered that she was feeling better this week. He returned the smile.

Bella started the session in the usual way by asking them how their last week had been. As always, she only received short answers from the five participants. When all of them had answered, the brown-haired therapist gave Jasper an encouraging look. “I was wondering, since we’re not that many people here today if perhaps you would like to share, Jasper?”

Her words hit him harder than a freight train. For one terrifying second, Jasper was convinced he’d forgotten how to breathe. It took everything he had not to bring his hands to his throat as if to remove an invisible noose from around his neck.

Looking around the circle, he saw the others, giving him curious, expectant glances. While he forced himself to inhale and exhale in regular intervals, Jasper looked back at Bella, and shook his head slightly but with conviction.

She must’ve seen the panic in his eyes because she nodded quickly and moved on to ask the others if anybody else wanted to begin instead.

Meanwhile, Jasper tried to control the welling sensation of fear that threatened to overwhelm him. He wasn’t ready to talk about it. In fact, he wasn’t sure he would _ever_ be ready to talk about it.

It didn’t help that he knew deep down that his anxiety was unjustified; nothing here posed a physical threat. But it didn’t matter. His body reacted the same way it had during the last few months whenever he’d been triggered: it was preparing to ensure his survival by either fighting or fleeing. Only there was nothing _to_ fight, so his eyes flickered to the door in search of an escape route. Jasper wondered if he could excuse himself to go to the bathroom. Then, he dismissed the thought quickly: He would make it through this.

With his hands gripping the chair underneath him to a point where his fingers hurt, he forced himself to control his breathing. In his head, he repeated one sentence over and over again: _It’s okay_.

It took a few minutes of repeating this mantra, but, finally, the panic subsided. When Jasper felt like he had regained the control over his emotions, he raised his head back up again, and finally tore his gaze away from the spot on the floor he’d been staring at to calm himself.

As he did, he looked straight into Alice’s dark brown eyes.

She seemed more curious than anything. Perhaps worried, too, but he couldn’t be sure. The others hadn’t noticed his brief panic attack, but she had. Today, her eyes were watchful, like they’d been after that second meeting. And much like she’d done back then, Alice was blatantly staring at him again.

This time, Jasper didn’t avoid her gaze. He looked right back at her.

 _Who are you_ , he tried to ask her without words, _why can’t I stop thinking about you?_

As if she’d heard his unspoken question, Alice’s mouth turned into a soft smile when she turned her head away, almost coyly. Jasper could see that she was still smiling, even though she wasn’t facing him directly anymore.

The rest of the meeting was uneventful. Mike talked about the struggle with his addiction and the others nodded encouragingly at his words, although no one could really understand how he was feeling.

The whole time, Jasper was just waiting for it to be over; he longed to talk to the dark-haired woman whose unspoken words had haunted him for weeks now. He had to finally voice his question. And this time, he would not let her slip away before he had a satisfying answer.

Finally, Bella ended the meeting and Jasper wasted no time. As soon as the therapist had started to carry away the chairs - with the help of the other attendees - he walked over to Alice. She was headed for the kitchen - probably wanting to put her empty water bottle away - when he caught up with her.

“Alice, hold on a second.”

The woman turned around to face him. “Yes?”

He came to a halt in front of her, looking down at her tiny figure. The top of her head barely reached up to his chest and she had to tilt her head back to meet his eyes.

“You seem… better today,” he said but regretted the words immediately. That wasn’t something one should say to a patient at a mental hospital.

And he was right. Her forehead displayed a deep frown now. “As opposed to. . .?”

Jasper felt oddly embarrassed. “It’s just… last week you hardly even reacted when I tried to talk to you.”

To his surprise, Alice smiled at him. It was a sad smile, but a smile, nonetheless. “Yeah, my meds... They make me drowsy.”

It had been more than that, he thought, but didn’t argue with her. He needed to have an answer to his question, so he moved on immediately. “What did you mean when you said the other day that we were both wrong?”

Alice looked at him in confusion, clearly having no clue what he was talking about. His shoulders slumped.

He concluded that he was a fool. This woman was so obviously impaired, so clearly… well, _certifiable_. Why had he even interpreted anything into her words? She didn’t know what she was saying.

“I don’t know what you mean, Jasper.” Her voice was insecure now, and when he looked back at her, he noticed that Alice was biting her bottom lip.

Jasper knew he would probably ask in vain. Disregarding that, he still tried. “The other day you said we were both wrong when we talked about how you thought you knew me from somewhere and I told you that it was impossible.”

Something shimmered in her eyes and Jasper felt a strange sense of relief: she remembered. He gave her a half-smile which hopefully encouraged her enough to make her answer him. Alice was wearing that coy expression from earlier, and he tried to interpret what it meant.

“I’m afraid if I tell you, you’ll think I’m insane.”

Jasper bit back his laughter. _More_ insane than he already thought she was? Or was this woman under the illusion that she was perfectly normal? Did Alice perhaps not realise how she came across to other people?

When she saw his face, her expression turned serious. “But you already think that I am.”

She looked hurt at these words, at the realisation. Before Jasper could even react, she whirled around and began to walk away from him.

Jasper stood there motionlessly for a few seconds. He hadn’t meant to offend her.

“Wait!”

He followed her, but Alice didn’t turn around. When he caught up with her after a few steps, he touched her arm - more out of a reflex than anything – in an attempt to make her stop.

Alice gave a piercing shriek and jumped back in the opposite direction. Jasper didn’t fare any better. At her scream, he recoiled immediately and brought a few feet between them. He was staring at her in shock. It only took a few seconds for him to realise how stupid that had been. He didn’t like being touched either, and he normally wasn’t the person to initiate physical contact with other people. And he knew she suffered from PTSD, as well as other things. Of course she wouldn’t like being touched.

“I’m sorry,” he hurried to say and tried to make his voice sound as reassuring as possible. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Alice was still staring at him with wide eyes and her arms crossed in front of her chest. Her lips were tightly sealed and for a short moment, so were his.

Then, Jasper felt the need to tell her that she could trust him. That she was safe with him. That he wasn’t emitting any danger. But deep down, he knew it would be a lie, so he didn’t say it. He _was_ a man of violence. The screams of the countless people he’d killed still haunted him at night. Their faces followed him around through every day of his life.

No, he couldn’t tell Alice that she had nothing to fear from him. In fact, her fear was more than justified.

“I’m sorry,” he said instead. “I shouldn’t have… I will just stay here, okay?”

He raised his hands and moved backwards toward the wall. They’d been taught that move in the military, for when a soldier was captured, and the only viable option was surrender. _Look as unthreatening as possible. Don’t make eye contact._

The terror didn’t disappear from her face, but her body visibly relaxed a little.

“Why are you even talking to me?” It was the first thing she’d said for a long time, and Jasper winced at the obvious hurt in her voice. “After all, I’m a crazy person.” Her voice sounded bitter.

Jasper wanted to kick himself. He was clearly doing something wrong. Whatever he said to her, it was always the wrong thing. For a brief moment, he wondered where his talent for talking to people had gone. He used to be charming back in the day. Then, he decided to try a different approach.

“I don’t think that. I think you’ve been through a lot.” He gave a small shrug. “As have I.”

It was the first time he’d ever admitted that, and although it was a very small confession, Alice seemed to be just as surprised by it as he was himself.

“You never talk about it,” she said, and he looked at her in surprise. Alice had said it like it was a fact, like she knew it for certain. It was a statement, not a question.

“It’s not… an easy thing to talk about.”

She nodded. “I can only imagine.” And then, glancing back at him, she met his eyes and added: “I know you will. Eventually.”

Nothing she could have said would have shocked him more than those words. Jasper was sure his jaw was hanging wide open. “How?”

Her lips turned into a wistful smile and she finally gave up her defensive stance, uncrossing her arms.

“Just a feeling.”

And when she turned around again, once more threatening to leave him standing with more questions than before, he called after her: “Alice, wait.”

She spun on her heels, looking at him again.

“You haven’t answered my first question.” Jasper could not wait another week.

Her smile was still there. “Oh, yes.” She scratched herself behind her ear absent-mindedly. “What was your question again?”

Jasper deflated again. She could not even concentrate enough on their conversation, which had hardly lasted more than ten minutes so far. Why was he reading so much into something she’d probably said in a haze of drugs a few weeks ago? This woman _was_ mentally impaired.

“Why were we both wrong?”

She laughed softly and although he was trying not to let anything distract him from his mission to get an answer, he couldn’t help thinking about how lovely her voice sounded when she laughed.

“Why does it matter so much to you to know that?” Alice asked instead of answering, and Jasper nearly groaned with annoyance. Could she not just answer the question? What was so hard about that?

But when he met her eyes and saw the hint of amusement there, he realised that she was toying with him. She had looked right through him. And for the first time since he’d met her, Jasper understood that she was _smart_. Alice knew exactly what he wanted - that bloody answer - and she also knew that her superior knowledge gave her all the power in their conversation. She was playing him.

And on top of that, Alice knew that _he_ knew. Because she gave another chuckle before speaking again, her eyes full of mischief this time.

“I’m sure you’ll find out eventually, Jasper _Whitlock_. Until then, I wish you a good week.” With those words, she turned around once more and walked away gracefully.

Once again, Jasper was left standing there, staring after her.

“How do you know that name?” he yelled after her, but she had already disappeared behind the next corner.

How did she know? Jasper’s body was frozen. There was absolutely no way that she could know _this_ name. Nobody knew him by the name ‘Whitlock’ these days. Maybe some old friends he’d known in kindergarten still knew that name, but he was sure nobody else would.

Had Alice known him back then? Had they met more than twenty years ago and that was why he couldn’t remember her?

Like the last times he’d spoken to her, she’d left him with more questions than answers. Actually, _no_ answers at all. Had she replied to _any_ of his questions? Jasper couldn’t recall.

Shaking his head in disbelief, he mentally prepared himself for another week of thinking about this mysterious woman and her words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm, how does Alice know so much about Jasper? And what the hell is James doing in this fic? What is his role? Let me know your thoughts?


	4. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice and Edward go for a walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for @GirlWhoWrites because I promised I would post the next chapter. It was finished but a total mess so I apologize for the delay, because I had to edit this A LOT.

**4.**

_(Wednesday, January 01, 2008)_

____________

Instead of making her feel better, the new dosage of her medication had only made things worse. Alice had long forgotten the original purpose of all these pills and injections: they were supposed to _help_ her. They never had. All they did was numb her senses and made her feel dizzy. Some days she felt like she was drowning in cotton. And she wondered about the usefulness of her medication frequently; weren’t feelings and emotions supposed to be an essential part of humanity? Was feeling nothing really preferable to this? She could hardly even remember the time before she’d started taking the meds.

Fortunately, Dr Cullen had personally tested her blood three days ago. Alice preferred the handsome chief physician to the rest of the medical staff. He had always been kind to her, and he seemed to be one of the only people who were genuinely concerned about her well-being. Normally, he was too busy to see all of his patients himself, so he let the nurses or one of the other doctors adjust their dosages if necessary, but this time he’d personally seen Alice.

After examining the blood test results, Dr Cullen had re-adjusted her dosages. As it turned out, they had been too high for weeks. Alice no longer remembered who had increased them in the first place. In fact, she could remember very little of the last few weeks. Had she even participated in her group activities? Had she eaten anything? Had she slept? There was a mist in her head when she tried to recall these missing days, and she failed whenever she attempted to break through it. And now that her body had started functioning again, she was _livid_ about it. She had no idea if Jasper had returned to the group session, and she wanted to know. But the last two weeks were nothing but gaps in her memory.

“Are you still with me?”

Edward’s voice pulled her from her thoughts. The counsellors had allowed them to go for a stroll around the compound, and she and Edward had seized the opportunity. After two weeks without sunlight ( _possibly_ , because, of course, she couldn’t be sure), Alice was desperate to get out of the bright, sterile-looking hospital interiors.

“Sorry. I was just trying to remember what happened in the past two weeks,” she replied and turned to look at him.

Edward Masen was only two years younger than her, but his boyish looks made it seem as though he was still in his teens. His bronze-golden hair shimmered in the afternoon sun, and his face displayed the wry smile that was reserved exclusively for her and Bella. Alice was certain he had a thing for the brunette therapist.

“You don’t remember anything?”

She just shook her head, inhaling the fresh air. “As if my usual dosage didn’t make me drowsy enough. The increase made it ten times worse, though. I felt like I was in a coma and I have no memories of what happened.”

Edward’s jaw tightened. “Whoever did this needs to be fired. Clearly they suck at their job.”

“I’m sure they didn’t do it on purpose,” Alice murmured.

After she had regained her senses—and memories—two days ago, she had tried to find the last thing she could remember: it had been her conversation with Jasper a fortnight ago. How she’d told him that they had both been wrong. She couldn’t help smirking as she recalled his confused expression. Clearly, Jasper despised not knowing things. Which was why he’d asked her about it again yesterday.

“And you say they told you it was because your nightmares were getting worse?” Edward was still talking about her medication.

“Yeah. I actually didn’t take any of my pills for a few days before they increased the dose.”

Edward stared at her, his eyes wide. “Wait, what? You've gone off your meds completely?”

“Yes.”

“Why would you do that?” The disbelief in his voice was palpable.

“I wanted to have a clear head for once.” Alice shrugged her shoulders. “It’s hard to think properly when you’re on all these drugs.”

Edward was still eyeing her suspiciously. “Does this have anything to do with that new guy at your Tuesday session? The one you told me about?”

The corners of her mouth twitched. “Maybe.”

He halted his steps, forcing her to stop as well. Alice had to turn around to face him. Edward was taller than her—like any other person over the age of thirteen—so he could easily stare down at her. Which was what he was doing right now. “Alice, that sounds very irresponsible to me. You should not stop taking your medication only to seem more… normal in the eyes of a guy you hardly know.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “It’s not like that.” And when she saw Edward’s raised eyebrow, she added: “I just couldn’t shake this feeling that I’d met him before. As I have told you, by the way. And I wanted to have a clear head to remember where I knew him from.”

“And do you remember now?” It was apparent from his tone that Edward did not approve. Alice groaned inwardly; he could be such a spoilsport sometimes.

“Yes.” She left it at that and continued walking. The winter sun was too cold to warm her skin, but it still made her feel more alive than she had for a while. The refreshing air was even worth ruining her shoes—they had been white at the beginning of their walk. Now they had a muddy, brown colour.

Edward caught up with her. “Don’t try to be mysterious. Tell me.”

Alice giggled softly. “Fine. I had a dream about him.”

“ _Before_ you two met, you mean?” He raised his eyebrows again.

And almost every night since then, she thought, but didn’t say it out loud.

“Yes. Actually… it was more than one dream.” She paused and scanned his face to find out his reaction to her words. But so far, his facial expression was neutral, simply curious. “I dreamt about him pretty constantly for a while.”

Edward finally lowered his brow again and shrugged his shoulders slightly. “Why am I even surprised? I know how strange you are.” During the last sentence, he reached out and ruffled through her hair, causing her to stick out her tongue at him. They both giggled at the childish gesture.

“So are you, in case you’ve forgotten. We’re here for a reason, remember?”

Edward’s crooked grin never disappeared from his face. He ignored her words. “So, tell me about this mysterious stranger. What’s he like? Why do you dream about him so often?”

For some reason, Alice blushed. “I don’t know. My dreams were mostly just fragments... or maybe 'glimpses' I should say. The truth is that I have no clue who he is, except for what he’s told me. I just think that...”

Alice stopped herself just in time. _That he’s special_ , she nearly would have said. But it was ridiculous. Even Edward, who had a high tolerance for her stories and “delusions” as the doctors called them, would most likely not understand this. It made no sense at all, not even to her. But at the same time, now that she could remember the dreams again, she felt stupid for ever having forgotten about them.

“How long have you had these dreams?” There was a frown on Edward’s face, but she could tell that he believed her.

“So far as I recall, one year. But even back then it felt as if it wasn’t the first time I was dreaming about him, so perhaps I’ve had them before? I don’t know.” It sounded like a question and Edward looked back her with the same clueless expression she was most likely wearing on her own face right now. He didn’t understand her dreams any more than she did.

“What exactly were they about?”

“As I said, I don’t remember much.” Alice wished she did. Maybe it would help her, now that she’d met him in the real world. “Just… his face. And him saying my name. There were other things, too, but they’re too blurry.”

She scrunched up her nose in concentration as she tried to break through the haze in her brain. But it was in vain. No other memories came back to her.

“That’s strange.” Edward sighed. “Are you sure it’s the same guy?”

Alice threw him an exasperated look. “What, you don’t trust my psychic abilities?”

The bronze-haired boy chuckled. “Do you hear yourself? You sound like a fortune teller at the county fair.”

“Except those don’t usually get locked up in a mental hospital.” Realising how bitter her own words sounded, she avoided Edward's eyes.

“Alice…”

“Don’t.”

She had no intention of letting this turn of their conversation ruin her good mood. It wasn’t often that she was feeling so chipper, and she was going to enjoy it while it lasted. So she pulled herself together and beamed at him again. “Anyway, it’s a new year. Full of possibilities. Isn’t that exciting?”

“What possibilities?” He rolled his eyes. Apparently, it was his turn to make the cynical remarks. The dark-haired woman wasn’t having it.

“You could finally tell Bella how you feel for example. It’s getting embarrassing.” She waggled her eyebrows, and suddenly Edward was the one blushing. He stammered around incoherently before breaking off, making Alice laugh again. Then he seemed to try a different tactic: distraction.

“What about you? Have you told that guy from the Tuesday session that you obsessively dream about him every night, or are you going to wait until the first date?”

The deflection worked and Alice turned bright red again. “Stop it. There will be no first date. I’m a nutcase, remember? He seems pretty sane to me.”

The thought stung and she told herself that it was the truth, but she could not forget the way he’d looked at her yesterday during their conversation. As if he was trying to figure out who she was. As if he _didn’t_ believe that she was insane. At least towards the end of their conversation.

“He can’t be that sane if he’s attending a group therapy meeting,” Edward pointed out and she glared at him, irritated by that remark.

“He’s a former soldier.”

She didn’t have to say more, because Edward already seemed embarrassed. “Oh. Sorry.”

She nodded. “I think he’s struggling a lot more than he lets on. He hasn’t spoken about his time… over there at all. Most of the time he just listens. I think it’s really hard for him to be back.”

“His time _over there_?” Edward repeated. “Where did he serve?”

She didn’t have to answer. When he saw her sombre expression, he nodded and turned away. “Poor guy.”

For the rest of the day, Alice couldn’t stop thinking about Jasper and their conversation yesterday, even more so now after Edward had been so intrigued by the topic. Jasper had been surprised when she’d called him by his last name, and she didn’t know why. If she was honest, Alice couldn’t even say herself how she knew it. Last night she’d spent a good portion of her evening trying to figure out whether Jasper had told her his last name during their first conversation, or whether he’d mentioned it during the session. She had concluded that he _hadn’t_ told her. Therefore, his shock was understandable. The fact that she had stared at him obsessively throughout his first and second meetings like a stalker probably didn’t help. _What is your problem_ , he’d asked.

Alice knew she came on strong. It was in her nature. Back when she’d lived at home, she’d never been able to shut up for more than two seconds. That, paired with her visions, had always annoyed her father beyond all measure. She remembered one incident, where she’d told her parents that Cynthia’s cat was going to walk onto the street and get hit by a car. Even after countless reassurances from her mother’s side that it wasn’t going to happen, Alice still hadn’t let the topic go. She’d even gone so far as locking up the cat in the supply closet. In the end it hadn’t done any good, because her father had released the cat— still refusing to believe her “nonsense”. Unfortunately, it had been Cynthia, who had found the cat on the day after that. Her sister had never forgiven Alice, almost as if it had been _her_ fault, as if she had been the person driving the car.

The next week seemed to drag on forever. Every time Alice looked at the build-in clock at her wall, she felt as though no time had passed at all. Was it possible that time worked differently here in this hospital? She didn’t know, but she’d seen and heard stranger things in her life. When the next Tuesday finally came, Alice could hardly contain her excitement. She had to restrain herself from jumping up and down, despite the influence of her medication. It had been a long time since she had felt so eager to do something.

Edward threw her sceptical looks during breakfast, but she ignored him. She would see Jasper again in just a few hours. Maybe he would come to talk to her again. He’d definitely looked as if he still had a lot of questions when she’d left him standing. Alice had no idea why it gave her so much satisfaction to always leave him with more questions than answers. Probably because it meant he would have to come back. Because that much she knew about him by now: he was far too curious to let this go.

And she was right. After finishing her breakfast—she’d hardly eaten anything—she headed to the lobby. She was going to wait for him. As it turned out, she didn’t have to wait for long. Shortly after she’d sat down on one of the sofas, Jasper stepped through the sliding doors. Since he was facing ahead and the seating area was located on the left side of the entrance, he didn’t notice her presence at first. It gave Alice a moment to give him a once-over.

She’d known he was handsome from the first moment she saw him, even though it was hard to feel a real attraction for anyone—there were too many drugs in her system. But as she looked at Jasper at that moment, she felt _something_. The rain that had pattered against her window last night had not stopped all morning. It had soaked his black, worn-out bomber jacket, although he’d most likely only walked the short distance from the parking lot. Alice could see the dog tag hanging around his neck; she could only see the chain, but she immediately knew what it was. After all, he was ex-military and didn’t seem like the kind of guy to wear any other types of jewellery.

The raindrops were falling from his blond locks as he shook his head slightly—reminding her of a golden retriever—and she wondered if he’d lingered outside for a while. There was no way he could be this wet from only that short walk. In fact, it wasn’t just his jacket that was soaked. His white shirt was dripping wet too, revealing his physique in a way that made her cheeks flush. She even thought she’d spotted a tattoo showing through the now transparent fabric on his chest, but she couldn’t be sure from this distance.

Alice leaned back against the sofa cushions, still not taking her eyes off him. She felt a strange, unfamiliar sensation while looking at him, but not an unpleasant one. For a few years, the only men she’d seen had been either been nurses, doctors or patients. And the occasional visitors. Most of them hadn’t been overly good-looking.

Running his hand through his moist hair in an unsuccessful attempt to dry it—and messing it up even more in the process—Jasper turned in the direction of the hallway leading to the multi-purpose room. For a few seconds, Alice was worried that he would walk right past her, but then he slowed his steps as if pulled back by an invisible string. He finally turned his head in her direction. She didn’t even try to pretend that she hadn’t been staring at him. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t used to it from her by now. It was what had made him talk to her in the first place.

Only this time, it was Jasper who looked as if she’d caught him doing something illegal. His face was suddenly flushed, and he stared at her wordlessly for a short moment. Alice was instantly intrigued. What was he trying to hide? Why did he look almost… embarrassed? A sudden desire flared up inside her; she wanted to know everything about him. She longed to ask him what was going on in that beautiful head of his. Although she was sure that he likely wouldn’t react well if he knew about this.

But Alice had all the time in the world. She could wait.

Jasper made his way over to her.

“Alice,” he said in a friendly voice and leaned against the wall next to the sofa she was sitting on. Even while doing that he looked so undeniably attractive that she nearly forgot to answer. It took a few seconds for her to regain her composure.

Then, she beamed at him. “Jasper.”

She loved the way his name rolled over her lips as if it was meant to be there. Last night, she had even caught herself repeating his name over and over again like some giddy teenager, enjoying the sound of it more each time.

“Happy New Year,” Jasper said. To her surprise, he was smiling back at her. For the first time, Alice realised that his smile was crooked, one corner of his mouth higher up than the other when he smiled. Her heart jumped at the realisation. How had she not noticed that before?

“Thank you.” She was not even trying to hide how happy it made her that he was talking to her again. “Happy New Year to you, too. Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?”

The smirk hadn’t left his face. “As a matter of fact, I do.”

“What are they?”

Jasper laughed. “To get answers.” When Alice considered the way he was looking at her, she realised what he was talking about. He wanted answers from _her_.

“About what?” The grin on her own face gave her away.

“I think you know,” he said simply.

It impressed her, how calmly he was looking at her, how patient he seemed. He had a relaxing aura, she thought. Which was surprising, given his history.

“What do you want to know?” Alice decided to play along for once.

Jasper gave her a sceptical look as if he was trying to figure out if she was toying with him once more. Obviously, he had not expected her to volunteer answers.

“The same thing I wanted to know the last time,” he said. “How do you know my surname?”

Alice shrugged. “You say that like your name is supposed to be a secret.” She wished he’d asked something else, something she could answer. Because _this_ , she still didn’t know.

The blond gave her a strange look, his brown eyes drilling into hers. His gaze was so intense that Alice was unable to avert her eyes.

“It’s not. But my surname is Hale now, and it has been for many years, so I have no idea how you could possibly know that other name.” Jasper moved closer and leaned back against the wall only a few feet away from her. His hands rested on the sofa armrest, and she saw another small tattoo on his wrist that she hadn’t noticed before.

His words, however, confused her. She’d been so sure that his last name was Whitlock, although she still couldn’t remember why.

Their eyes met again, both of them equally bewildered.

Then, Alice sighed. “Ah. I didn’t know that.”

Jasper _Hale_. She pronounced the name in her mind as she had with his first name last night. It suited him, although she’d gotten used to thinking of him as Jasper Whitlock. But then again, there wasn’t any name out there in the world that would this man less attractive. Hadn’t she thought in the beginning that Jasper was a weird name? And now she was reiterating it in her head like a mantra before she went to sleep.

“But _how_ did you know?” The impatience in his voice was apparent and she couldn’t help grinning. He really was desperate for answers.

“You must’ve told me.” Alice shrugged, dismissing it. “Actually, why do you keep demanding answers from me? You’ve not spoken about yourself an awful lot, to be honest. Why do I always have to tell _you_ things?”

“I don’t like talking about myself.” Jasper’s voice had a sharp edge to it. Asking about him was not a good idea, she realised, and for the first time since he walked in she looked away, staring at her neatly folded hands in her lap instead.

“I understand.”

He was silent for a moment. Actually, he was so quiet that Alice had to look up again because she almost thought he’d left. But he was still standing there, leaning against the wall, looking so damn good with his soaked clothes and those dark brown eyes that seemed stare right into her soul. Her heart fluttered in her chest.

“You’ve been here for a long time, haven’t you?” He averted his eyes again. The question was almost inaudible, and she had to lean forward a little to understand him.

Alice laughed. “I’m glad it’s that obvious.” Too late she realised how bitter she sounded.

He looked up, eyes wide. “I didn’t mean it like that…”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m just… bitter, I guess. I envy you, you know?”

He scratched a spot behind his ear. “ _Me_? Why?”

Alice gave him a little smile, full of sadness, and for one second she thought she saw something like pity in his eyes. It disappeared just as quickly. He clearly didn’t want her to see it.

“You can leave whenever you want to.” It was still unfathomable to her that some doctor could decide who was allowed to come and go and who wasn’t; that some doctor had that kind of power over her.

“You make it sound like a prison.” Jasper raised his eyebrows.

“It _is_ a prison.”

The blond seemed incredulous at that. “You can leave, right? When someone comes to visit you and to take you to town or…”

Before he could finish his sentence, she interrupted him, shaking her head. “No one will come to take me anywhere.”

“No one?” he repeated. His eyes were wide again.

Alice shook her head once more. “Nope.”

“What about…” Jasper broke off, but she still knew what he was going to say.

“My family?” Her mouth turned into a sarcastic smile. “The only family I have left is the reason I’m in here. I haven’t seen them since the day I was committed.”

Jasper just stared at her, his eyes wide with shock and unblinking. Alice had seen this reaction before, on other people with normal, functional families. He opened his mouth to say something, before closing it again.

Then, he seemed to pull himself together. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“I don’t mind telling you.” Alice gave him another smile. “There is something about you… I can’t describe it. It makes me trust you.”

For some reason, Jasper frowned deeply at her statement. Clearly, he was not taking it as a compliment as she’d intended.

“Yeah,” he murmured. There was a dark shadow flickering over his face and Alice nearly flinched at the sight. She didn’t want to make him unhappy. “I’ve heard that before,” he said.

“I’m sorry,” she said. His eyes darted up again.

“For what?”

“I didn’t mean to offend you.” She hoped he wasn’t mad at her. All she wanted was for him to like her, though she couldn’t say why.

Jasper gave her a strange look. “You didn’t offend me.”

She exhaled deeply. “I don’t know why I’m like this when you’re around me. I guess I haven’t had a real conversation with anyone from the outside world in years. I have no idea how this is supposed to work.”

The corners of his mouth twitched. “Don’t worry, you’re doing fine.” He hesitated momentarily, before adding in a lower voice: “I was pretty much the same when I got back to the States last year. I had no idea what normal, human conversations should be like.”

It surprised her that he had brought up that topic, especially after telling her that he didn’t enjoy talking about himself. From the looks of it, he regretted it because his forehead was in a deep frown again. He appeared to be angry at himself.

Alice decided it would be better to change the topic since he was clearly so uncomfortable talking about this. “Did you celebrate New Year’s Eve? With your sister, perhaps?”

She had thought about his sister a lot, too, the blonde woman who seemed to be the epitome of beauty. Alice already admired her nearly as much as she wanted Jasper to like her. She’d always had a thing for beauty, whether it was clothes, home décor or people’s appearances. They fascinated her, beautiful things.

However, her distraction hadn’t worked. Jasper still looked precisely as uncomfortable as he had before.

“No,” he said, his voice restrained. “We did not celebrate.”

“Well, I didn’t either,” she said cheerfully. “I don’t like fireworks.”

His mouth turned into a wry smile. “Neither do I.”

Only then did Alice realise her mistake. “Oh.” She wanted to kick herself. “Of course. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Jasper’s smile hadn’t disappeared. “You need to stop apologising, Miss Brandon. I’m not that easily offended.”

Now it was her turn to stare at him with incredulity. “How do you know _my_ surname?”

He laughed at the irony of that question. His laughter was nice, too, she noted; low and calm. He sounded a little like a TV presenter. Not the annoying kind, though. The kind that you could listen to for hours. Alice wished she could listen to him speaking—or laughing—more often.

“Why should I tell you?” he asked, still wearing that crooked smile on his face that made her knees go weak. “You haven’t answered any of my questions either.”

Alice pouted at that. She wanted to know and didn’t enjoy the way he was turning the tables on her. “That’s different.”

“How so?” he asked.

“ _You’re_ not telling me because you’re annoyed that I won’t answer your questions. There is no higher motive behind it.” She sighed. “But _I’m_ not telling you what you want to know because I’m worried that you’ll think I’m crazy. And because, once I’ve told you, you will run away screaming and I happen to enjoy talking to you. That’s why I can’t answer your questions.”

Alice wondered whether she’d said too much. Was that an appropriate thing to say during a normal, human conversation as he’d called it?

But Jasper looked at her with even more curiosity than before.

It took him a long time to reply, and she thought she would go insane in the meantime. It had been a long time since she’d felt so nervous, since she’d cared about someone’s opinion so much. It made her feel vulnerable in a way she wasn’t used to.

“Do you really think I’m the kind of guy who can easily be frightened?” he said then.

Alice scanned him from top to bottom as if she had to think about his words, although everything about his appearance screamed the answer: _no_. From the military dog tag around his neck and the muscles hidden underneath that bomber jacket to the determination in his eyes: it was more than obvious that it would take _a lot_ to intimidate this man. After he’d told the group about his past in the army during his first meeting, Alice had wondered how she hadn’t come to the same conclusion before. She blamed the drugs because it was so obvious. Perhaps it was the way he carried himself, or how he spoke and listened, with authority and intent. A military career was the only logical explanation. And there was an aura of violence around him, too. There was no doubt in her mind that he’d _killed_ people.

“No,” she said honestly, her eyes returning to his.

“Do I frighten you?” he asked. He clearly hadn’t missed her thorough examination of him.

“Yes,” she said. “But not in the way you think.”

His eyebrows shot up even more. “In what way then?”

“I can’t tell you.” She couldn’t help the little smirk on her lips.

This time, Jasper actually groaned in annoyance. Alice gave him an apologetical look when he glared at her.

“You have no idea how frustrating it is to talk to you, do you?”

“Do you want to know the truth?” she asked.

“Yes, _please_. Tell me.”

She giggled at the urgency in his tone. “I’m hoping you’ll come back if I don’t give you any answers. You clearly are a curious person, so I will proceed to not answer any questions you throw my way, in the hopes that it will bring you back here.”

It was a pathetic admission and Alice regretted the words as soon as they’d left her mouth. Great, now she had most certainly scared him off. But as she looked back at him, Jasper simply gave her that look again, the one from before. With something in his eyes that was obviously pity. She opened her mouth to protest; if there was one thing she didn’t want from him, it was pity.

He was faster. “You’re very clever, Miss Brandon. Impressively so.”

Nobody had ever called her smart before. In fact, her father had often used opposite words during her childhood.

“Does that mean it’ll work?” she replied, intrigued by the turn this conversation had taken. Was he… _flirting_ with her, or was she imagining things? Then again, she was probably not the best judge of that. Alice had never flirted with anyone.

“Yes,” he said. His eyes were gleaming, and it made her heart speed up. “But I would come back anyway, so please don’t take this as my permission not to answer my questions. It’s my sister who makes me come here.”

Alice almost would have giggled, but his last sentence slowed her enthusiasm. So _that_ was why he kept coming back. It had nothing do with her, really. It was more of a favour to his sister. She felt a longing inside her chest: she wanted to have someone who loved her as much as Jasper seemed to love his sister.

He sensed her change of mood immediately, or maybe her disappointment. “I enjoy talking to you, though.”

It made her look up again, the hope likely so obvious in her eyes that she should be embarrassed by it. But Jasper didn’t seem to mind.

“You do?”

“Yes. I mean, it frustrates me beyond your wildest imagination, don’t get me wrong, but I still do. You have… a refreshing personality.”

Her mouth twisted into another beaming smile, and Jasper seemed to be infected by it. For a moment, they were just smiling at each other and she hoped this moment would never end. Unfortunately, though, Jasper was standing directly next to the clock on the wall, and her eyes involuntarily drifted away from his face to look at it. Their meeting was about to begin.

“We should get going,” she said. Jasper appeared as if she had woken him from a state of trance, but then he looked down on the watch he was wearing and agreed with her. “Yeah, you’re right.”

The smile didn’t leave Alice’s face during the entire time they walked to the multi-purpose room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're starting to... like each other? Oh my god?


End file.
